I could still list the first ten people who to subscribed to my blog, and I can acutely recall that tingly feeling – a meshing of keen excitement and anxiety – knowing that someone other than a teacher was reading my words. My second subscriber was Joss at Crowning Crone. In an early post, she once left a simple comment that deeply resonated with me, one which I won’t ever forget.
Let go of the idea that everything needs to be perfect.
I’m the biggest perfectionist I’ve ever met. It’s a gift and a curse. On the positive end, things get done, and they get done to the highest standard. At the other end of the spectrum, I expect a lot from myself, and though 99% of the time that’s a good thing, sometimes I place too much pressure on myself and expect more than I’m able to give. Settling for superb, above average, or even good enough is not a bad thing, yet it’s one of the hardest lessons for me to learn.
A few days ago, I wrote down all my major goals. I quickly realized that several contradicted each other, some could not possibly be completed in the time frame I’d set for myself, and there were many that I’m no longer passionate about. I reviewed the list, threw it away, and then gave my permission to pursue anything I’d like. I could revert back to everything on the list if I’d like or take on new goals, and do so whenever I pleased. That may have been the most freeing and liberating thing I’ve ever done for myself.
The last post was a bit dramatic and, rereading it, I come across as a bit despondent. I tend to experience every emotion intensely, and then exaggerate it further through poignant language. I often have to mentally structure situations into zero-sum games where it’s either win or lose, in order to motivate myself to act. In this particular ”game,” I set up the situation as if I’d lost everything and had to start from scratch. The past few days, I’ve shut off my computer and phone, which has allow me to quiet my mind and follow my intuition. A few hours were spent crying, moping, and feeling completely hopeless, but it’s overall been refreshing. I’ve upped the time I spend meditating each day, made a conscious effort to be more mindful in every moment, and done only things that I could enjoy.
I received the latest edition of Scientific American Mind, in which there’s a full section on education reform, which I am a huge proponent of (including teaching young student mindfulness, neuroanatomy, and strength building). I’ve watched several episodes of Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman and have re-watched several of my favorite TED talks on neurology, and have thus been thinking a lot about metacognition and metaphysics. Humans spend their lives thinking about thinking and considering their personal space in this world; however, we are so infinitesimal when you consider that each of us is only one individual on a massive planet, which is a tiny speck in an expansive galaxy, a small part of a behemothic universe, which is one of thousands of universes in the multiverse. That really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
I took a portrait sketching class over the summer, and spent a few hours the other day working on a new sketch. There is something truly invigorating about being wholly absorbed in and focused on a project, especially one which is done purely out of pleasure and without extrinsic reward.
I spent several hours driving aimlessly with my best friend, who is studying cognitive and neuropsychology and very much interested in astrophysics. I often feel like she’s a more emotionally stable and assertive version of myself. We talked about everything imaginable, passed a 20-foot tall inflatable Ronald McDonald head, and ended up in the middle of nowhere at a dead-end, LED-lit cemetery. That evening shifted my perspective tremendously. Though I only have one close friend, I could not be more grateful to have her in my life. Never take for granted those who will always be there for you; and always be that friend who would go out of their way to help someone else.
I had a job interview this morning, and though I went in a bit pessimistic and unprepared, I’ve been through so many interviews this past year that it was effortless. The interviewer was so impressed by our discussion that she offered to pass my application on to someone hiring a higher up, full-time position. That was such a pleasant surprise, considering a few days ago I was worried that I wouldn’t have enough money for groceries.
One of the best things you can do for yourself is release all expectations, end self-blame, and abate pressures to succeed. What’s meant to be will be, and this too shall pass, whether good or bad. I’ve decided to release my self-imposed obligation to write here and respond to every comment, which I believe will allows me to share more meaningful ideas, rather than just write for the sake of showing up. If I feel inspired to work on grad school applications, work on editing my novel, or brainstorm ways in which I can make money doing something that I love, than I will; if I don’t feel like it, then there’s no need to work on a project, nor feel guilty if I don’t. There is no need to blog daily; I don’t need several close friends to be happy; I don’t need a PhD from an Ivy League school in order to succeed in life; I don’t need anything but to let go of the idea everything needs to be perfect and trust that everything will fall into place, to trust that that process has already begun.
I’ll be around, my friends.
Look beyond the clouds, and you’ll always find the sun.
Erin – I just got off the job market (after many months) last week, and hence I love this post. I have been planning on writing about my experiences – too. But I love this, and I’ll come back to respond in detail – Abrazos, good luck !
I felt like reading about a version of myself – except, I compensate for such focus in my professional world (and the stress that comes with perfection’ism) – by being exactly the contrary in my personal world. I can understand what you say – and what is in between lines. Responding to every comment is such an obligation sometimes you dont want to. But in a lot of ways – success takes hard work – and hard work requires discipline – which means rigid structure. I dont believe in the presence of an external power – and hence it is harder to believe that everything will fall in place, because I feel like – I am the one who needs to make it fall in place, or else – there isnt much around to shape the crystal lattice just as it should be ? I think in ones and zeros as well – and am a vintage Scorpio !
and really – after the first few, the phone interviews are all about getting your talking points through – right. Been there … good luck with the job – really hope you get it
Erin – Best wishes and good luck in your new journey. You have all of the qualities necessary for success and you will find that sun beyond the clouds.
Enjoyed reading your post on perfection. I also saw myself in your article and you gave me a new perspective on things! Good luck and I wish you happiness in your new approach to life:)
I’m just glad you didn’t stop blogging.
I am cheering here – can you hear me? Well done, dear Erin, well done. Imagine me being your second subscriber and that you would even remember that! I try, no I do, respond to posts in an intuitive manner. My saying “Let go of the idea that everything needs to be perfect.” was meant for you then, and now it seems. You have a wonderful open heart willing to learn, in every way there is. Never lose that.
Thank you! I am so blessed to have you and so many other wise and intuitive souls here – an open heart willing to learn has so much more potential when surrounded by such wonderful teachers and mentors.
I’m inexplicably happy! Oh, and I meant to say after your last post that I would love to hear about your twenty-something woes. (I think I mentioned to you once that my son is in college and I worry about his future, with the economy, etc.) I’ve been reading Pema Chodron’s “When Things Fall Apart” and actually one of the things I have found most comforting is that she said to think you’re ever going to get your shit together is unrealistic. (I’m paraphrasing) That was such a relief. Wow. I can quit trying to get it together. It’s never going to happen for any of us because we’re human.
I think the core of the twenty-something woes (at least for me) is that in college you work really hard to do well, build relationships with professors, volunteer and get involved, have a diverse skill set, and basically go way above and beyond what’s expected. You anticipate graduation because you feel you’ve got a leg up and are bound to succeed, and then shortly thereafter realize that maybe you don’t. I feel like I should be qualified for most (or at least some) of the 300+ jobs I’ve applied for over the past two years, but I’ve yet to have something come through. Accepting that things will never be “perfect” is a great mindset. I’ve yet to figure out the secret to getting a job, but networking is definitely key. I’m not sure what you’re son is studying, but business and engineering seem to be highly employable…and even having a minor in or experience with business is seen as favorable. Also, having an idea of what one wants to do upon graduation is important, because thinking ahead can lead to internships or foot-in-the-door opportunities.
Glad you decided to be around! Goodluck!
Though you don’t need the encouragement because you’ve found it inside, where it belongs – good for you!!!!
All the best!
I really enjoyed and found you post interesting.
From a fellow perfectionist x
Hello Erin…The title of this great post says it all…striving for perfection makes you expect more than you can achieve. I kinda wrote something quite similar on my blog…you might want to take a look and its gonna be a great pleasure to have the opinion of an analytical optimist on it. Here is the link:
http://stuffthatmatters101.wordpress.com/2012/06/25/striving-for-perfection-are-you-crossing-the-barrier/
Thank you!
You hit the nail on the head. Forget the self imposed perfectionism. I find in my own life that people found me much more approachable after my faults came glaringly to the surface. No more Super Woman complex.
The more I read your posts, the more I am certain you will find success. You have a beautiful soul Erin and I’m so glad you will continue to grace us with your thoughts. Best to you!
I need to go back and watch “Through the Wormhole” with Morgan Freeman.
Great Quote: What’s meant to be will be, and this too shall pass.
I have always enjoyed reading your blogs. Good luck on the job front.
Thank you, I needed to read this. Truly, thank you.
Nice reflection, Erin. A good question to ask about anything, be it a decision or a finished product is, “Is it good enough?” If the answer is “Yes”, then indeed, “It is good enough.” Nothing is perfect. I wish you all the very best with your journey.
Way to go Erin! Another barrier down & gone.
Sometimes I make a list of things to do & just let it sit. Then, months later, I may take a look at it only to be surprised at how many items I can cross off. No rush, no deadlines, no stress.
M
Hi Erin, I can definitely relate to this post! I recently read an article in “Psychology Today” discussing the idea of perfectionism, and I believe their solution is to just do it–whatever it is that may be–regardless of whatever may be stopping you.
Your post really gets my reflection juices flowing. It’s such a penetrating idea to ponder. Thank you for sharing, and I am sure you’ll find your way.
Yes! Thank you for sharing. =) Every day I learn more and more about how to reflect on my life managing skills and become a more balanced individual. Life can offer us so many opportunities; often it’s difficult to not get caught up perfecting one opportunity (and here, perfecting could almost be used interchangeably with fretting), but letting go of perfection can open us up to so many more of life’s potential detours that bring happiness, balance, and freedom to fall. Good luck with letting go. =)
I absolutely love your last quote! Good luck and best wishes! Unexpected goodness will appear when you least expect it.
“process has already begun”
I’ll be around, too. Keep in touch, Erin, and thanks!
I read this and then I read the post before. I love your blog and learn about myself through reading, but I know what you mean about feeling obligated. You need to do what you need to do for you. Maybe it’s blogging. Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s blogging butnot responding to comments or even closing off the comments section. I hope you sill blog on occasion because you have important things to say, but I fully support whatever you decide. And trust me, life does get better in a lot of ways as you age. Although you are wise well beyond your years, so who knows if you will have the same experience I did. Good luuck with your decisions and with the job!!!
A few minutes ago I was sad to see you go and now I’m jumping up and down!
woohoo!!! So glad you saw the rainbow after the storm!
Good luck with the job!!! Keep us posted….if you want to of course!
thank you…i will have the same for me…”let go and see what happen”…
It’s always good to read a post like this and realize there are people out in the world who are going through the same thing. I’ve struggled with perfectionism, and found it more of a curse than a gift. I always find that my perfectionism sneaks up on me and I don’t even realize that the root of a problem is perfectionism. Any time I have any problem, I always try and think if it’s related to perfectionism. Because you just have to give it the best and not worry about perfectionism.
New to blogging, still trying to figure out how to get a page link to show up on my blog
One of the things that was holding me back, was the idea that what I posted wouldn’t be perfect, and or, that anyone would care about what I had to say. I’ve had some eye opening experiences this past year, the year before my fiftieth, and have come to realize, I Am, who, I Am, suppose to be when I just let go and BE, BreathE, BalancE, BelievE. BE, in this moment. Loved your post, Blessings in the light.
Beautifully put! Wisdom and insight comes in so many forms from so many ages! Thanks for yours.
Very true, I’ve had to let got of trying to do everything and feeling so pulled, to picking what truly matters and feeds me holistically… Good luck as you focus and pare down, realizing that there’s more to life and checking off lists. I like to think of its as being perfectly imperfect…me as I am. Be well!
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I really loved this. I think any of us are going through a fog of discovery and reinvention of ourselves or simply realizing and awakening to who we really are. It takes some trial and error and trial again, but for those of us who stay committed to our dreams and the evolution of them we are bound to be better off in the end. Thank you for sharing.